Thomarie Bash
by ratluck2
Summary: Well, I'm going to regret this, but I am finally going to do something about this accursed pairing. I will be the voice of the voiceless. Rated M for reasons.
1. Ch1 BestPartyEver

"Happy Birthday to you…"

The camera flashed as Thomas lazily blew out the candles on his birthday cake. The party was lame, sure. But it was the thought that counts, he thought to himself.

_However, there is ONE other bright side to this party…_

"Ohai, Thomas. Whatcha doin?" asked a bouncy, playful red-headed girl, looking over his shoulders. Thomas enjoyed that about his cousin. He enjoyed everything about her. From her sparkling eyes to her curvy hips, she was perfection in his eyes. She playfully traced his cheeks teasingly, and moved right next to his ear to whisper something in the most seductive way he could imagine.

"So, baby…you ready for your 'Surprise' later?" She smiled, and slowly and teasingly breathed down his shirt. Thomas shuddered.

"Marie… we're already d-dating…must you make me erect in public?" Thomas blushed and whispered, as not to be caught by their unsuspecting parents. Damnit, he was already hard, and the party still had 15 minutes left. Thomas sighed, and slowly grasped his cousin's soft, warm hand underneath the table.

Suddenly, the noise of a loud knock on the front door of Thomas's house was heard from the party room.

Phineas got up. "I'll get it." he said as he walked toward the door. He grasped the doorknob and slowly opened the door.. "Hello, can I….."

**CRASH!**

After a few moments of silence, a tall, tattoo- ridden man entered the room, a smirk evident on his face. He looked directly at Thomas and Marie with a gigantic smirk, and sat down.

"I'm sorry, but your father will not be joining us for this conversation…" he said happily. He laughed as he saw everyone's faces turn to terror. "And I have a few things to say about you two…"

Thomas stood up, frightened and angry. "Who the he…."

The man got up and slapped him hard.

"Sit down!" Thomas obeyed. "Now…." He said as he started to walk around the room.

"I hate you both. I hate everything about you guys, you bland, carbon copies of your parents. Normally, that would be good, but you two have no personality."

He stepped next to Marie, smiling psychotically.

"I've always envied you. You guys are the blandest, most uncultured pieces of trash that has ever existed. And to top it off….." he moves around the table to be on the opposite side of them. "You guys are motherfucking, inbred, stupid, uneducated Mary Sues!"

This unknown man jumps up on the table and smiles.

" Now, I'm not going to hold back…You guys are FAR more popular then me. You guys are somewhat canon, and you are well drawn, but that does not mean a damn thing if your creators don't stop shoving you down our motherfucking throats! No sane person enjoys your comics, which I can't read because they are in motherfucking Spanish! Your incest is clearly incest, believe it or not. You guys make the people at 4Kid's look like saints. I'm pretty sure your blandness can be applied to other's, but I'm here to put an end to your tyranny. I will cleanse all that is wrong from this motherfucking fandom. I am…..PHIL BROOKES!"

Ferb sighed and pulled out a gun, and shot the man in the head. Ferb proceeded to speak.

"What a nut with some valid points…" Ferb sighed again, and turned to Thomas and Marie.

"Kids, just go upstairs and fuck already. I don't care anymore." Ferb said as he walked over to Phineas and helped him up as Marie dragged Thomas upstairs eagerly…..


	2. Ch2 The Sex Scene

The two incestuous and lust filled cousins/lovers went into Thomas's room, passionately making out with each other, slowly sliding their tongues together in pure ecstasy.

Thomas slammed Marie down onto his bed, taking her shirt off quickly and swiftly, lavishing her small, mosquito bite boobs with his tongue. He shredded his own clothes and pressed himself against his love, moaning.

Marie licked her lips, moaning herself. "F-fuck me, Thomas….."

Thomas pulled his pants down and revealed his manhood, and then moved down to her pants. Thomas slowly removed her pants and proceeded to pull down her panties until…

…

…

Thomas screamed.

"YOU HAVE A DICK?"


	3. Ch3 Better Replacements

"Phew, good thing you got that sex change back into a girl. I still love you, darling." Thomas said while laying under a tree with Marie.

Marie smiled. "Yes, I love you too."

**CRASH!**

The gate door slammed open and into their yard entered two young teenagers, a tall, brown haired boy with a pony tail, and a small, shy looking girl with hair over her eyes. They approached the incest couple and the boy began to speak.

"Greetings. We just moved here and thought we should introduce ourselves. My name is Drew, and this is my lovely friend Drear.."

The shy girl spoke. "Hi." Thomas and Marie extended their hands.

"Wonderful to meet cha!" Marie said enthusiastically.

"Well, thanks for the welcome, but its time for you guys to leave." Drew said in a sexy Scottish accent. The two Sues looked surprised.

"Why?" they both asked.

"Because we are taking over your lives." Drear said. "And because everyone with left a brain hates you guys, and you guys are so….un-Christian… Our generous employers, also know as Disney, told us to eliminate your internet fame and replace it with ours, which is much better."

Drew pulled out a portal gun, shot a portal toward a volcano, shot another one in front of them, and pushed the two incest sues in.

They then proceeded to sit under the tree, and everyone lived happily ever after.


End file.
